Solitude Helps Us to See Our True Value

Solitude is not a pleasant experience. This spiritual discipline, while helpful to our spiritual life, can often be uncomfortable. 

I woke this morning feeling worthless. Have you ever felt this way? For the first part of the morning I could not think of anything I had to do. My wife asked me, as she was leaving for work,"What are you going to do today?" And I simply was not sure how to respond. I felt adrift at sea, floating in a state of meaninglessness. I felt that I had no purpose, I was not aware of anything that I needed to accomplish. No one needed me today, and I had no expectations to fulfill. Normally, this would be a good thing. But for me, today, the feeling was somewhat horrifying.

Yesterday morning I woke from a dream in which I was lost and afraid, I was surrounded by all kinds of evil and I could not get to safety even though I could see it just off in the distance. This morning I woke from a dream in which I was again, lost, but lost in the feeling of not having anything to do. That feeling carried over into the day. I am so used to having a plan; a meeting to attend or a class to teach or attend. I feel as if my existence depends on my being busy. I feel that I am valued by what I do; I have come to value my own life on what I have scheduled to do; on how much someone else depends on me.

What if I didn't accomplish anything? What if I had nothing to contribute? What if no one needed me? What would that be like? What if there were no others in my life depending on me or giving me value?
How would that look? Of course these are rhetorical questions, there is no way for me to really know the answers to these questions.

There are some, though, who may know how this feels. I think of those who are alone in a nursing home; those who have no family to come see them; those who rely on others to care for them and keep them alive in a state that they probably would rather not live. But all people are valuable because their value comes from the creator and savior God.

While it is not comfortable, it is good to reflect on such things periodically. It is good to dive down into the depth of our own soul, to practice intentional solitude. So often we are able to cover up all these thoughts and feelings about the nature of our value by filling up our lives with activity. There is always something to do, right? I find it helpful from time to time to purposely engage in these questions so that I can be reminded of my true worth. My  true value, and yours, is in the fact that we were created by God; a God who loves us and gave Himself for us, not only that , He gives us his Spirit to be with us now.

Oh, Lord, that you would give us eyes to see that our true worth is derived from you. Amen.

Accept This Truth

What are the deepest longings of my heart?

To love and to be loved; to reach out in love without holding back because of fear; to express feelings in ways that bless and encourage others and myself. I want to know that I am walking in God’s Spirit and not in self-preservation or self-exaltation.

I want to be fully alive; fully myself as God created me to be. I want to be fully healed so that I can be fully myself. I want to live fully in the grace and power and love of God. I want to be like Jesus!

I want to be a healer. I want others to receive their healing. I want to fully care for others and lead them into fully becoming themselves. I want to do this without any kind of selfish desire muddying it up.

I want to know and experience that I am loved and accepted just as I am. I want to quit being so damn hard on myself. I want to be ok with me. I want to stop putting so much pressure on myself. And so, stop putting so much pressure on others.

What if the Christian life was really more about learning to receive God’s love than about becoming more holy? Really, in receiving God’s love; the more I receive it, the more fully I enter into his love the more I enter into holiness. It is His love that changes me, not my efforts to fix myself… or anyone else.

Somehow I know this is true. And yet there is always a hinderance to really fully entering into this truth.

God loves me! And it is his love that transforms me. I am in the beloved of God! I was included into the beloved when Christ died on the cross for me.

Jesus often asks us, “What do you want? What do you want me to do for you?” Well, this is it Lord, I want to live fully in your love. I want to be able, without hesitation, to fully give you love.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Prayer for Creativity

Dear Lord,

You are the Lord of our creative endeavors. Let all the things we do; all the things we say; all the decisions we make, be completed in the same spirit of creativity that you gave to Bezalel.

For he was able to give beautiful and meaningful substance to the place where the Israelites were to meet with you in the desert

Now Lord, we, your church are that place. Help us to live as producers; as creators of beauty with substance and meaning in all that we do

Keep us from the sin of presuming that which is pragmatic is always your way

Let us abandon ourselves to creatively worship you in spirit and truth that our creative work may be a sweet fragrant offering to you, so that the fragrance of the knowledge of your glory may be spread everywhere

Amen

May It End Well

Life is more than the body. The body is just a vessel to carry this life around for a season. There will come a season, though when I will leave this body. Here on earth we call this leaving, death because we have no other name for it. It is the end. When I die my existence on this earth, in this body will be over.

We run from this. We are afraid of this. And rightly so – for we really are not sure what happens when we leave this body, but leave this body we will.

We can experience a little of this fear of death when we enter silence and solitude. When there is noise; when there are people around; when there are many tasks to attend we are able to assure ourselves that we are alive, that we are useful and needed. Henri Nouwen speaks of this in his book Our Greatest Gift: Meditations on Dying and Caring, “While sitting alone in my little hermitage, I realize how unprepared I am to die. The silence and solitude… are sufficient to make me aware of my unwillingness to let go of life.” (3) It is in this kind of silence and solitude that I now reflect on my own death.

One day I will die. One day I will no longer be needed in this world. One day I will be powerless. I think this is what I most fear – I will lose control of everything my body does, my mind will likely be unable to function as it does now, my hands will lose their grip; my normal bodily functions will cease to work correctly.

It is good for me to think on these things while I am most alive; while I am strong and feel most needed and useful to others. It is humbling. And I can use a little humility. It is also clarifying. One day the things that I think are so important; the things that I think matter so much, the happiness I am pursuing and my very usefulness to others will matter very little and finally none at all. A kind of perspective comes into play as I meditate on my death; I see things different for this life that I am now living.

What is truly important in light of this reflection? What will be important to me going forward for the remainder of my life?

First off is my relationship with God. It is from him I have come and to him I will return. I must live out my days for Him and His Kingdom; in obedience to him. When I come to that final day, may I say with St. Paul the Apostle,” I have run the race, I have completed the task that God has given me.”

My family, my wife and my children are also extremely important to me in light of the fact that I will not remain forever on this earth. When everyone else forgets me they will be the last to forget. What kinds of memories will they have of me? I want them to have good memories of me. I want to them to be more committed to God and His Kingdom, more loving to others because of me. I want to leave a lasting, godly legacy to my children and my children’s children. May their inheritance be greater than anything money can buy.

Another thing of great importance is the church. The church is not a place on a map; the church is the people of God, the place where we are to live out God’s earthly Kingdom. May my life; the remainder of my days be spent in such a way as to be a positive influence on the church. May I leave behind a legacy of discipleship. May those I disciple be making disciples who will in turn pass down the legacy of discipleship. May my local church be more committed to God’s glory because I was a part of it. Even when I am forgotten may my legacy of discipleship continue many years past my life.

Beauty is also a thing of importance. Art and culture are important things because they help shape the world and the people in it. My hope is that the world be a more beautiful place because I have existed. I am not concerned only about the things that I make but that the students I teach see to it the work of their hands produce beauty and not ugliness. I desire that their works of art; their works of culture bear the marks of grace and goodness and be reminders of God because I was able to instill this in them.

Lastly I think my health is an important thing. This may seem counter to all this reflection on the certainty of death. Many may say, “We are all going to die anyway, why focus on being healthy?” For me health is another way to bring glory to God. I can be more effective in my body while I am here if I am healthy and strong. Perhaps God will give me more and better days to spend working for His Kingdom on this earth if I do my best to be healthy. I will have more days to glorify God; more days to create good memories for my family; more days; more days to build up disciples who make disciples; more days to create beauty and invest in the lives of students who will create beauty if I am healthy.

When I leave this earth I want the life I have lived to create ripples that will extend to the shores of time. When I enter into another life; another existence in that place Jesus went to prepare for me, may I leave a lasting impression on this place. The life I live in the body will soon end, may it end well.

A Culture of Discipleship at First Assembly of God

Have you have been discipled by another Christian?

This question may seem foreign to most of. Perhaps you have never experienced this or heard about the notion of being discipled before. But this is the model that Jesus gives us in scripture. He took 12 guys walked with him. He taught them, modeled his life before them. Scripture also shows us that he invested even more time into a just a few. Then after his resurrection, before his ascension he told them to “go into all the world and make disciples.” Jesus invested his life in them and sent them out to invest their lives in others.

It was also the model of Paul. Paul invested his life into Timothy in a one on one discipleship relationship, then he told him in 2 Tim. 2:2 “And the things you have heard me say… entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.”

“I taught you,” Paul said to Timothy, “now you go and invest your life into men who can be trusted with these teachings.” This principle of reproduction is all over scripture.

You will not be sufficiently discipled by coming to church every Sunday; even if you take notes on every sermon. True discipleship that leads to maturity comes in the context of close relationships. It is one person who has been discipled by another mature Christian man or woman and then passing this on to another man or woman so that they will continue the process of reproduction.

Every person in this church has the potential to be a minister. God has called every person in this church to be a minister. It is not just the pastor’s job to teach us.

Let’s make 1^st Assembly of God a culture of discipleship. Let’s begin a revolution that snowballs into a massive movement in Kankakee, IL. I believe with all my heart that this is how the Kingdom of God will go forward from our church. Will you join in the revolution?

Freely Forgiven Free to Love

“Therefore, I say to you, her sins which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.” Luke 7:47


This is what Jesus says to the Pharisee about the woman who interrupts their dinner party. The woman had just emptied an alabaster flask of fragrant oil on Jesus’ feet. She also emptied her tears onto his feet as well. This statement of Jesus kind of bothers me. I mean, what is Jesus really saying? I want to love more-- I want to be a more loving man to my family; my brothers and sisters in Christ; my neighbor. I really desire to have a Christ-like love flowing from my heart. But, it would seem, by this statement of Jesus that I need to have many sins. Should I sin more so that I can be forgiven more?

The Pharisee was kind of upset about the whole thing. He questioned Jesus’ ability to know people but saying in his mind: if Jesus really knew who this woman was he wouldn’t allow this to go on.

The woman however was responding to Jesus presence. And it was a proper response. The Pharisee did not give a proper response to Jesus presence. “You did not give me water for my feet; you did not greet me with a kiss… But this woman…” Jesus then goes on to make comparison of the Pharisee’s response and the woman’s response. Jesus in this bothersome statement was, as usual, simply stating an observable fact to the Pharisee. The woman realized her great need for forgiveness and showed her appreciation. The one showing more love and mercy here is the one who has genuinely received love and mercy from the Lord. It is not about the amount of sin we commit—for we have all sinned and who can count the times we have fallen short of God’s glory? The focus is really one of realization, at the deepest level of our heart, that we have great need of forgiveness of our sins. And once those sins have been forgiven; once we have been truly cleansed of our sin the response will be one of unselfconscious love.

This woman was very conscious of her sins—but she was more conscious (to the point of not being conscious of anyone else) of the One who could truly forgive and cleanse her of sin. This set the woman free, truly free, to love Jesus in an extremely unselfconscious way.

William Barclay puts it nicely in his commentary on this passage: “It is true to say that the greatest of sins is to be conscious of no sin…”

Life not Lineage

When John the Baptist spoke to the Jews of his day he warned them not to rely on their racial heritage to get them into good grace with God. Check it out in Luke 3:8,9. “So then the people asked him, saying, ‘what shall we do?’” Then John launches into issues of justice. They would have known the biblical injunction to “do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.” He tells the person who has more than enough to share with those in need. He tells the tax collector to not collect any more taxes than required. He tells the soldiers to stop intimidating people; to be content with their wages.
Us Christians are not much different then the Jews of John’s time are we? We have just changed the wording a bit. Now, instead of looking to racial privilege we are puffed up with pride because we have “said the prayer.” Now we have “Jesus in our heart.” We think that this somehow gives us a free ticket into heaven. Here’s a question for you: what would John the Baptist say to Christians today?
This causes me to ask questions of myself. Like, how can I do justice in the context of my life? It really is not such a stretch to think of ways that I can do justice in my job; in the arts, in my family, in my church. When John the Baptist told the people what they should do, he began right where they were in the context of their life. While I would love to go to other countries and preach the gospel and feed the hungry I realize that I am responsible for where I am right now; the life I live right now.
One thing I have noticed about the way God works. He doesn’t often convict me based on the grand ideas that I have about serving Him. In some ways it is easier for me to comfort myself by thinking about these things and saying that they are just out of my reach anyway. The Holy Spirit, though, puts his probing finger right on the spot where I am today in this very moment.
Where are you? It is the question God asked Adam just after he took the fruit from the forbidden tree. It was not as if God didn’t know Adam’s geographical location, God was asking him, just as he is asking us today: Where are you in your life? Where are you in your heart? Start there. Meet God there. Allow Him to speak to you right now.  Go ahead, ask him, “What shall I do?”